"The Room"
Friday, April 25, 2008
Interviews are just about the most ego-dipping thing in the world that makes you feel extremely despicable after they are over - whether or not it went well. If it did, then you can expect to feel horrid about expertly lying through your teeth and having said things that would usually make you sound highly superficial. If it didn't, then you would constantly berate yourself for not having been able to perform, no matter how superficial it might make you seem in the first place.
Of course, that just essentially means that no matter the outcome of the interview, just having to go through the entire process is itself an ordeal. The fact that you probably spent a lot of time and energy mentally preparing yourself for it and agonizing over it for a long time before the interview doesn't help to alleviate the repeated playback of several cringeworthy moments after the interview even the least bit. At most, you can revel in a split second of a glorious victory over the interviewers where you said something that
you thought sounded smart.
I know, what a
pain. Arghhh.
I'm now wondering if going for several interviews at one narrow frame in time would actually numb my senses enough to be ever ready for a firing squad any day, or will it actually enervate me instead?
Well, personally I wouldn't mind interviews that much if I didn't take everything so personally. If I went with a mindset to have a little chat with some strangers, perhaps the idea of an interview will not be as revolting. But of course, being me and being your typical suffering from some kind of paranoid syndrome sort of kid, this way of thinking is simply beyond me. What's worse is that I betray myself and my paranoia in all sense of the word by mumbling and rattling on and on nonstop, sometimes unconsciously slipping back into comfortable colloquial language. The horror of it all.
I am seriously considering using school as an outlet for all my idiosyncrasies and nonsense, so as to avoid having to pour them out in a moment of nervousness in a room with a board of people with high standing and embarrass myself to no end.
My own fear is that I will be so well-versed and comfortable in my own silliness that I will inevitably betray it in what I call "The Room".
Good luck to me and my fellow job-searching friends (and rivals).
8:59 pm
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Paraphernalia of life
Saturday, April 05, 2008
As the title suggests, lots of things actually, just that I haven't got enough time nor inspiration to fuel a full blown post.
Ah well, just as well. This just means I can finally fit in with the rest of the bloggers in lamenting their wonderful yet sad lives.
Trying to find proper time to actually concentrate on studying proves to be difficult among the constant distractions of work and the persistent need for therapy (it spells like S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G, a word on this a little later).
I'm just less than two months shy of taking the exam ugh. It really is a fight against time and money (175 USD is such a pain to fork out for a computer-based exam, maybe the part of the pain is to help shopaholics like me spend less and study more, and to spur me to study based on the mere fact that it is
alot of money grr).
Shopping has taken a whole new light for me ever since I discovered major online shopping, which is relatively cheaper and a whole lot easier. You just click and click and voila! It will be sent to your place, no driving or parking or trying to get the darned piece of cloth. This is especially useful for presents I think, good way to save on transportation and travel time. In short, I'm just lazy.
Well, I must say the cons of online shopping has to be: I can't see where the hell my money goes, so there is the tendency to overspend without realising, and also it's terribly distracting when I have the computer switched on because I have this compulsive desire to click on the sites.. it's really sometimes too convenient.
Had my second dose of
Pillowman today.
I'm sorry if this post seems so random, that's why the title more than makes up for it.
Hmm I have to admit that the first time round was so much more exciting to me. Well, the fact that I had to arrange some last minute ticketing changes and scramble to get the kids there on time didn't help, and what's more, I already knew what to expect prior to the performance, so that didn't help either. The cast and acting were still excellent no doubt, the set has changed very little but that's not quite it. Somehow the feelings, or rather my feelings, towards the performance itself have changed. Perhaps it's different because it's also a different crowd. This time round, the bulk of it were made of students, from two schools in fact, I really pity the people from the public who paid so much just to sit amongst them ha.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think watching something (anything) with someone who appreciates it more does make it more enjoyable. In fact, like Amelie, I do enjoy occasionally other people's reactions to the show. I wonder if this is one of those "there is a need of a spectator environment in order to truly enjoy the show" sort of thing we used to learn in film classes. Well obviously I don't think this only applies to film, it probably applies to all performances which include the visual element.
I know, I know, I used to dismiss it last time as some American film critic who wanted to have something to contribute to a film textbook so he wouldn't be out of a job. But lately, I've been thinking, it does make sense at times, well not all the time, but yes, sometimes it is more enjoyable to watch with good company, and I'm kind of missing that nowadays.
9:17 pm
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