25 years and still going...
Monday, October 30, 2006
I came home today to find a bouquet of dozen ruby red roses on the table. There was a small card inside which read:
"For my wife, Happy 25th Anniversary. Love always, your husband."
Wah... I am damn proud of my father la.Every year he sends my mother flowers on their wedding anniversary. And by send I mean get someone to deliver to her personally. Because my mother (as she says) had no flowers to hold on their wedding day, my father has been paying for it ever since.
Usually on this day, they also go to
pak tor at some expensive restaurant of my mother's choice. However, my father will be flying off tomorrow for a business trip, so I guess that is why the flowers are sitting on the table one day early.
The exact same thing happens on Valentine's day: the flowers and the candlelit dinner. For an unromantic man who doesn't show his feelings outwardly and a thrifty man of few words, I think my father has done very well in these aspects.
Of course I didn't get to see my mother's reaction but I'm sure she was happy that he remembered and that he did something to show that he remembered, even though I'm pretty sure she didn't show it either.
On another note, if I didn't already mention before in previous years, these three days are like a festive season for my family, because for three consecutive days we have: my father's birthday, followed by my parents' wedding anniversary, followed by my sister's birthday. Why they coincide a day after the other, I have no idea, but it sure means hell for my pocket.
And November is not a very friendly month either. I have so many presents to buy! Why why!! I mean, it's not that I don't like buying people presents or what, actually I do love to shop for presents for other people, sometimes more than I do for myself, but I don't really enjoy shopping when I have to keep thinking of budget and whether or not the price matches the worth of the present and such. I like buying nice expensive presents with
big budgets, but the emphasis is on the
big.
Anyway I realised that at the end of the day, even though everybody in my family (except my mother and Misty) plus David and other November baby-friends create such a big hole in my wallet during this time, I still heart you guys very much.
11:51 pm
クロサギ
You know you're a geek when you...
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Get super excited when you see an advertisement regarding store-wide discounts at a mega book store. And then you march on down to the sale on the first day despite the fact that there are two days and despite the fact that you're feeling drowsy and feverish still from cold and sore throat. Yet your cells jostle inside of you excitedly when you see a large crowd browsing books all over the store and you wished you had saved up during the past few weeks just so you can finally splurge to your heart's content. And then when you're finally queueing up to pay after you've spent such a long time deciding what to get, you suddenly feel like buying somemore but remember too that the amount you have in your pocket can barely suffice the rest of the week/month after spending on what you're already going to buy.
Then at last when you have finally left the store, you feel damn good carrying a big bag of heavy books and feeling all empty in both your pockets, knowing that you have to eat books for the rest of the month.
And then you think to yourself in true blue geek fashion:
THIS IS WHAT A DAMN GEEK SHOULD FEEL.
Yup and if you replace all the 'you's with 'I's, that is me, the geek.
Oh and I forgot to add that the sale is today and tomorrow, 20% off at Kinokuniya for members only. And I am a member. Hehe.
Considering I have already spent so much on tickets to Notre Dame de Paris and Rockapella, I am almost sucked dry. But I just couldn't resist it. 20% off leh. Buy one book also
shuang.Anyway this is what I came back with:
1x Japanese-English Kodansha dictionary
1x Neil Gaiman's
Sandman the Absolute Volume 1 (for David's birthday)
I am amazed that I did not touch the manga collection. Maybe cos I knew that Gaiman's book would not allow me to buy anymore, not that I'm complaining.. cos I get to read it too hehe.
I also went to Marks & Spencer on the way to collect the car and came back with:
1x light blue short-sleeved shirt with very light stripes (for the dad's birthday tomorrow)
And now you can see why I'm really gonna be eating books for the rest of the month. Hur hur. All you people who owe me money, pay me back now! Haha, I'm just kidding. Just buy me
teh once in a while will be fine :p
11:02 pm
クロサギ
Natural painter
Friday, October 27, 2006
After a few years of not having touched the palette, paintbrushes, water and poster colours whathaveyou, other than the occasional help to my kid sister on her art homework, I have relinquished my painter dream in just two days of intensive painting.
Instead of filming actual people acting for our theatre studies creative project, Celina, Mandy and I decided that we weren't natural actresses and therefore should not attempt any form of appearing before a camera by all means. Hence we decided to create our own primitive form of animation. And to do that, first we have to draw, next we have to colour (and being the lazy sot I am, I of course volunteered painting) and then we have to outline, and then... finally... we get to film. As you can guess, we're still at the first and second stages of this ambitious plan.
I think I am a natural painter. At least painting comes as natural to me more than drawing does. I rediscover this everytime I pick up the paintbrush. It's a painstaking process... painting, but I don't seem to mind how time gets whiled away so easily during that process. I actually enjoy mulling over one piece of work. I like mixing the colours and remixing them if I find that the desired colour is not yet achieved. I also like choosing the brushes, which to use for which. And then I also like the actual painting process, how to paint it, which direction of brushstrokes to use, if I should colour it in more than one tones, how to improvise.
One thing I like about painting is that you can always improvise, even after you realised you've made a mistake. And you can always improvise, even after the paints have dried on the paper. I guess it's a bit like how I like shading and making those uncertain lines when I draw. It makes me feel like I can change what I've drawn as and when I like.
I also like how I can not think when I paint, as in not think about other things when I'm painting and just concentrate on what I'm painting alone. It gives me a space to articulate myself in ways speaking and writing cannot, not that I dislike speaking or writing, just that I feel like spoken and written words have to undergo this thought process which filters out some parts and leaves some parts to be said/written, whereas painting is purely me. As cheesy as it sounds, I think it's true that painting/drawing gives you a peaceful sense of mind.
Maybe it's the stress from school or the physical stress on my ailing body or emotional stress or something or maybe it's me, I just felt like for the entire time I was painting, I could release myself temporarily from all these. There would be many things to paint, each sheet just came and came, but I felt like I was devouring them all, just so I didn't have to think about myself or anything concerning myself or anybody for once in a long long time.
And even though Mandy and Celina were there, each doing their own drawing/painting, it didn't feel like they were there at all. It didn't feel like we were doing a project at all. In fact, we hardly talked the whole time, because if we did, it would certainly be hard to concentrate on what we were doing. Of course, during the breaks we did chat and all and it was really nice to talk about things other than school.
Mandy and I have this secret desire that when and if we get a place of our own, we would invest in an easel and nice sets of paints and paintbrushes. Mandy even said she wanted her apartment or flat to face a nice scenery so she could sit there and paint it. If I ever do get an easel, I hope I actually will have time to paint instead of being busy making money the whole time. Bearing in mind that we're both amateurs in this profession, our works will probably be of no value to anyone whatsoever and probably will be kept at home where they rightfully belong. However this doesn't stop us from doing what we like, either.
On an entirely different note, the torrents of rain which have arrived to give respite to the haze have made me drowsy and feverish these two days. It made me quite resentful of rain nowadays. While a dripping nose is still fine, a very sore throat is not. I have twice lost my voice in the past because of extremely bad sore throat. By losing my voice, I don't mean the you-can-still-talk-softly-but-it-hurts kinda thing, I meant being reduced to croaks (in fact even croaking was extremely painful to force out of my throat) and having to carry a small notebook and pen around in order to communicate with others. It WAS seriously bad for someone who can't keep her mouth shut all the time and I
do not want to experience it again as much as possible.
11:38 pm
クロサギ
Spongebob Monopoly - the ultimate challenge
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
The ultimate challenge: A total of 3 Spongebob monopoly games were played in a span of 14 hours over two days. Plankton version of course.
First game: Everyone (Elaine, Amos, Kim, Daniel, me and my sister) were gathered on the sleeping bag on the floor of my room excitedly awaiting the Spongebob monopoly and geared with almost zero knowledge of what it is, granted with a few hints and there from the rule *ahem geek* book. Questions were thrown in the air:
"Is the Spongebob monopoly any different from the normal monopoly board games?"
"What is the plankton doing there? Is it one of the counters?"
These were followed by "oohs" and "aahs" over the little pineapple houses and the metal counters moulded by the various characters from the cartoon.
Finally the first round began, with many explanations on what you should or should not do in such an event and such by the experts, Elaine and Amos (kind of feels like most of us do not know how to play a simple game like this here).
Kiasu-ism was a must to grab everything your counter lands on and is available for buying. Hence everybody bought everything possible, not thinking of their respective poverty, which resulted in a nobody-can-build-pineapple-houses state because it was hard enough just getting round the board without stepping on somebody's land and having to pay rent all the time, what more collect two or three lands of the same colour.
With much luck, the winner emerged.... ME! haha.. I swear I haven't been playing monopoly since I don't know when. And while I was rolling in spongebob cash, Daniel and Kim were bickering over the one-dollar notes. Their aim? How many times they can pay rent using solely one-buck notes to each other.
After a long rest, we finally started the second game with much exhaustion,
because, how can we have a Spongebob Monopoly challenge cum marathon with only one miserable game?
So the second game started with a we-don't-know-what-the-hell-we-are-doing attitude and all we really wanted was to get the damn plankton round three bends just so we could all crash for the night. With much speed and efficiency despite our exhaustion, we rolled the dice quickly and moved the counters twice as fast, letting Amos do all the counting for us lazy Arts bummers.
With different sitting positions and with high (well not that high) hopes that our luck will change, we played, moving our counters little by little.
This time our landlord (or rather, landlady) emerged... Elaine! Her trick? Make us eat her glutinous rice just so we can all be sluggish and her luck will change. Daniel became her permanent tenant, having eaten the most of her glutinous rice, and even wanted to pay for season parking all year round.
So one lesson learnt from round two: Never eat something offered by your competitor, especially in a game of serious spongebob monopoly or worse,
Mahjong!
After we crashed for 6 hours or so, we were awoken, or rather Daniel was coerced by my monster of a sister to wake up just so he could play round three with her.
So round three started with the rest of us still half awake and with two miserable counters on the board. Daniel now fully awake and faced with a serious competitor, placed all his wits in this gamble of spongebob lands. In just a few rounds, he had wiped out the utilities and the railways, of course not forgetting the Sally Spitoon which he always buys just to collect the usual ten dollars of rent. However, my sister was making him pay rent for her lands and nobody could determine the outcome yet.
Unfortunately Daniel could not witness the end of the game since he had to leave halfway. Nevertheless Amos took over and turned his title deeds into winning ones. From then on, they fought over who built the most pineapple houses and after a while it was a matter of who had to pay who first for visiting whose hotels. Inevitably, discounts were given to each other.
Despite this, my sister suffered a bout of near bankruptcy and surrendered her troops. Thus Amos emerged the winner of round three, with a smug look on his face. At which, Elaine remarked: "you can only win against a small little girl who is not even half your age."
So the lesson learnt from round three is: Always pick someone not your size.... And then you surely can win!
And thus the ultimate challenge closes here with more promises to hold another one in the near future, preferably one that is guilt-free of course.
11:38 pm
クロサギ
Two days to Spongebob Monopoly
Saturday, October 21, 2006
What is Spongebob Monopoly?
It is a game played by two or more persons in which Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick get to be the lead actors in taking over Bikini Bottom and building up hotels in order to make the rest pay rent.
What is a Spongebob Monopoly opening ceremony?
It is the first time whereby a Spongebob Monopoly is played by the person(s) who bought it with his/her friends of course. This includes ardent Spongebob fans all around. No actually, just in Serangoon.
Why a Spongebob Monopoly opening ceremony?
It happened one fine day when Elaine and I were out shopping and we stopped at the children's section and saw.... lo and behold! The Spongebob Squarepants Monopoly board game for sale! A true monopoly enthusiast, Elaine decided there and then that she will buy it. A true blue friend to a true Spongebob enthusiast, I decided we could organise a monopoly marathon cum sleepover to "open" the game, and therefore promptly invited the true Spongebob enthusiast, Kim to join in this endeavour. Elaine decided we needed some more people to form the losing squad so she conned her boyfriend, Amos into going, and I invited Daniel to come and shake leg.
What you've just read is totally excellently written bullshit, or rather, slanted truth.Now this is the real truth: Amos excitedly volunteered to come after Elaine gently asked if he wanted to play monopoly. His reason? He was damn sure he would trash us all. Daniel was asked to come and he was excited because he wanted to see misty and my walk-in wardrobe... and later on, he wanted to memorise the monopoly board game rules (like a true blue geek) to make sure he would trash us all later.
Now tell me which one of them does not spell "male ego" all over their faces.
And the question remains: who will become the
real king/queen of Spongebob monopoly?
Is it:
(a)
Elaine aka the monopoly enthusiast, owner and thus connoisseuse of a few monopoly board games?
or (b)
Kim aka the Spongebob enthusiast, who knows all the deep dark secrets lurking in his mind and also at the bottom of the Bikini Bottom?
or (c)
Me aka the host of the ceremony who is adept at planting a few very secret moves under the parquet floor of my room (which is incidentally the site of the competition)?
or (d)
Amos aka self-proclaimed winner of all previous monopoly board games and thus monopolizer of human beings?
or (e)
Daniel aka 'old dry' as well as Masters-holder-of-Strategic-studies wannabe, also currently being educated in that expertise via t the swarm of History of Strategic Thought readings?
Stay tuned to find out who will emerge champion of the Spongebob Squarepants Monopoly! A full exclusive of the events will be brought to you live on MSN webcam (msn me on Monday night to find out) and also on a repeated telecast (or rather typecast) here!
10:42 pm
クロサギ
I need to become a geek... too!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Damn. No, Daniel Chin, I am NOT letting you get away with my 200 bucks.
I need to become a nerd too!
Yeah right. Easier said than done.
I am sitting on my bed trying to type finish my first draft for ISM and I'm at 2,463 words, about halfway to 5000 words, swarmed with papers all over my bed.
And I am stuck. I am stuck and I am
kaypoh-ing all the blogs and decided to write something here for other people to
kaypoh when they feel like procrastinating for a few seconds too.
Kim and Faith are on the other side of their laptops trying to finish up their presentations/essays too, while complaining about them.
On another note, I think I should worry more about making myself happy than making other people feel happy. I think I should be happier like that.
10:32 pm
クロサギ
My baby girl's all grown up!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Yup Misty is a big girl now, about 5 and a half months. She has gone through one grooming session, in which she screamed at the groomer repeatedly while she was trying to cut her nails. The pictures are a result of her haircut.
In the 3 months that we've gotten her, Misty has learnt several tricks:
(a) Sit down
(b) Roll over (but only half way cos the silly girl is afraid she can't get up after that)
(c) Go into her cage
(d) Shake hands (she has mastered both hands)
(e) Fetch her teddy bear and ball (of course not both at the same time)
(f) Let go of her teddy bear
(g) Differentiate her teddy bear from her yellow squeaky ball ( this one is still in the process cos I'm not sure it'll work either ha)
Everyday she has revision lessons for all these tricks at least once a day, in which she gets treats for doing them correctly and gets none for not doing them.
In the meantime, my mother has given her her share of what kind of manners dogs should have. The one Misty violates the most is being rude, like stepping on other people's toes, coming up behind people to lick them etc. Don't ask me how to assess this rudeness, I don't know too. Misty gets scolded just like the rest of us in this family.
Her character I have analysed thus far:
(a) Friendly. Ok,
very friendly. She doesn't bark, even at strangers and even goes up to her new friends to lick them as a sign of saying "hello".
(b) Playful. Still a kid so that's ok. What I don't get is why she runs around the hall at top speed from one end to the other.
(c) Wants attention. Yup even if you let her roam free, she sometimes comes back to crawl on your lap and almost seems to say "play with me, please.."
(d) Loves her teddy bear out of all her toys. Probably can be accounted for the fact that it was her first toy (in fact we took it from the pet shop so yup it definitely has her puppy smell).
(e) Very affectionate. See photo number 2? Yes she does like to give you kisses, as many as you allow her to. Alternatively, you can also hug her. She likes her ears and chest to be rubbed.
(f) She is afraid of loud noises like the nasty buses and cars outside. She gets super freaked out when I bring her out even for only a while.
11:06 pm
クロサギ
There is no title for this one
I hope I can at least express what I feel here.
And I don't want to mask it, because I don't have one anymore.
I feel as if someone has torn out my insides.
It hurts like fuck.
1:50 am
クロサギ
Living on the edge
Sunday, October 15, 2006
To deal with problems I just couldn't deal with properly, I have chosen a new hobby. It's called "living on the edge".
Call me escapist if you like, maybe it's contagious I don't know, but recently, faced with a spate of problems and deadlines, I have chosen to arm myself with a sense of euphoria and hangovers. I know it doesn't help to solve the problems eventually because in the end, when the show's over, people get brought back to reality and realise that the problems are
still there.
Argh. What a pain in the ass. I know, but I have been doing that in order to distract myself from thinking. Of course even that is not possible because I think too even when I'm out and also talk to my friends about it.
Of course it's not helping that it's sucking dry my money. Retail therapy is kinda expensive you know, and I've only done it a few times this sem. Maybe I've tried about anything except the food therapy, not because I'm afraid of what I will become but really because I can't stomach food very well these few days. I get really hungry but after eating, I just don't feel all that good anymore. I prefer my usual coke or
teh. But sometimes even those don't seem to satisfy anymore. Once it's finished, the effect is no longer there.
Perhaps it's more than material. Something is lost from my life and I miss it. Something even living on the edge does not and cannot replace.
9:47 pm
クロサギ
Enough reason
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Lately, something has been weighing heavily on my mind.
It has affected my well-being, unconsciously sacrificed my sleep, and directly or indirectly, this has greatly decreased the speed of my work rate.
This is not supposed to happen. At least, if I could plan it, it wasn't supposed to.
I don't suppose anybody was at fault. If anybody were at fault, it would be me.
I had put in too much effort. So much effort that I had expected something, not everything but at least something, in return.
And, like a spoilt child, I couldn't afford to lose. I really
didn't want to lose.
It really hurts to think that all this time, I could done something to prevent it. Of course, it hurts the most to know that I have already lost something, and if I weren't more careful the next time round, I might lose it again.
Through this, I realised that hoping too much can cause serious emotional damage. Maybe I'm just stubborn.
I just don't want to let go.
I don't want to lose without running the race.
Truly I had forgotten that in true Christian fashion, when we give something to someone with all our heart, we should not ask, not even expect, for anything in return, no matter how much effort we have spent on it.
And because I have forgotten this value, I am now paying for my mistake.
And I cry in the end, not because I pay dearly, but because I am nostalgic about the past, the past that I wish I could go back to.
But when the fond memories become inscribed in various sites of memory, they're not even worth half the value of the real lived memories. But even those are imagined to be much better than the present.
If I need to explain myself for writing this, I'm doing so because I hope to account to myself as to why I am still in the race.
I know for some people, "because I've invested too much" or "because I don't want to lose" are not good enough reasons to continue the race, and maybe there are even better reasons to quit, but for me, I have chosen the path of a person with very strong emotional attachments.
And that's enough reason for me.
8:38 pm
クロサギ
Just slightly peeved...
Monday, October 02, 2006
To the couple sitting at my one O'clock on the sixth level of the library: Puh-lease get a room for your honeymoon!
I'm just slightly peeved because:
(a) in the first place, I'm not exactly pleased that I'm down at the library (still in school at night) trying to do my readings so I can start doing my take-home test which is due on Friday.
(b) you are making a hell of a noise giggling and touching each other and what not (mostly either I
do not want to see or want to narrate here)
and therefore... the library is no longer quiet but a not quiet library is an oxymoron. I mean, can you just sit somewhere not so open (I mean you are just directly next to the door for goodness's sake!), or quietly do things so the rest of us won't have to notice as long as we don't look up.
(c) I have been shooting daggers at you since I first sat down, which is not a very long time ago after dinner, but not only do you
not get the hint, you continue flirting like nobody's business. I mean, it's
not my business (neither do I want to make it mine), but since you made it public, this domain can officially be narrated by me (ha!)
Disclaimer: Just in case you think I'm jealous and therefore writing an angsty note of one, I am
not jealous because I do not fancy being a public spectacle, neither would I choose a library (and a school library at that) to do god-knows-what-you do.
There. I hope you revel in each other's company and miss the Dean's list at that.
I.am.evil.ha.
9:16 pm
クロサギ
I'll go on...
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The end is in the beginning and yet you go on.Perhaps I could go with my story, end it and begin another.
(Beckett,
Endgame)
We've had a good week of studying, comparatively to the rest at least.
I'll go on because there is still a goal to be reached. And we have proven that in the last week that we might just be able to attain that.
I'll go on because there are stories to be told. My stories, his stories, her stories, their stories. I'd like to tell as many as I can before I die.
I'll go on because love keeps people alive, although the opposite is true as well. Love is a double-edged dagger, but the dagger itself is not dangerous. It can be made dangerous by a person's heart.
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. (Neil Gaiman)
Neil Gaiman's words (thanks to Cat for the quote) strike a note with us, but so what? We'll go on just so we can mess our insides up or mess other people's insides up again. Our life then proceeds in a series of stories. You end one and you begin another. Or some people might have multiple threads going on at the same time overlapping one another, so that it is difficult to tell which story has ended and which has just begun. Even as you do it systematically by ending one and beginning another, you wonder if the end is really the end or the beginning is really the beginning. And you'll never stop wondering but that doesn't stop you from going on either.
I'll go on because I cannot not go on. In the end, we all have to go on, no matter what Beckett writes or Gaiman says. Time doesn't allow for that to happen. It doesn't allow us not to go on.
It will be the end and there I'll be, wondering what can have brought it on and wondering what can have...... why it was so long coming.(Beckett,
Endgame)
6:47 pm
クロサギ
