Back with a Vengeance
Monday, April 30, 2007
The shameless family is back with correspondingly shameless photos which should never have to see daylight but they are now here. Enjoy our tremendous pre-exams trip to kbox, in which we engaged in cheenapok exercise like singing cheenapok songs (and ahem cheesy boyband 90s songs complete with secondary school nostalgia)
The first of the family photos! Warning: It's going to be alot of jumping around and funny things are about to happen.
(This plus the next two shots are part of a three-act play) Act One: Singing Superstar (S.H.E.)
Act Two: LOOK who is singing?!
Lao Boo and Klutzy have started giggling lol.
Act Three: Now this definitely takes the cake. Lao Boo is not giving face anymore and Klutzy is forced to continue singing despite audience reponse... and Sexy... well, let's just say she's enjoying herself very much heh.
That's us lazing around after all that action. And I do mean action, Sexy stood up on the sofa during the very first song.
Erm
Lao boo and I were trying (damn hard) to pull off this sultry look, which we probably succeeded in, don't you think? ha
We have gone M-A-D! Entertaining childhood dreams of flying more like. Hur hur.
Eh... stop pushing the mic to me, you girls.
And I thought this was one of the most decent photos around... until I realised that Sexy was swaying around on the right side of the photo background and indefinitely haunting our nice smiles heh.
Our star of the family heh nice photo,
Lao Boo! You should totally manage her or something heh
Klutzy at her best -
um-chio-ing :p
Here's me trying to a do a Sexy-cutesy pose hur hur.
Lao Boo: Don't think you can escape a solo picture just because you were holding the camera because I've got you! Ah-ha!
Ode to
Lao Boo, who I caught stuffing herself with the buffet spread while the rest of us were busy singing. Now don't use food as an excuse not to sing!
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Encore
Thursday, April 19, 2007
I'm suffering from an encore mix of jadedness, moodiness,
sian-ness and aimlessness - symptoms related to resisting the exams - which ironically sets in when they are just around the corner.
I just feel so tired slugging away. I know it's the last lap, I
should be chionging, like the sixth round of 2.4km run, the last chorus of a song, the last mouthful from a buffet dinner, the conclusion of an essay... Ugh, why couldn't it be like the last episode of a drama series? Maybe then I could feel some form of anxiety or eagerness even in finishing the last lap, but no... I just feel really emo about it.
I'm torn between looking forward to the future and backtracking into the past. As in, obviously I don't want to travel back in time, but while I want to go forth, I feel like something is holding me back, and that something lies in the past. And then I have doubts about my zeal for the future: if I really wanted to move on so much, why can I not let go of the past and move on? Again, I'm treading on ambiguous ground here.
In the past, whenever it came to the exams, I will feel the enormous urge to slack but at the same time knowing and hoping that the next semester will be better. This time, there is
no next semester, whether I liked it or not. And maybe I'm not ready to accept reality yet, but time is not going to sit around and wait for me. Nevertheless I still can't move... I am what you call it - living in stagnant waters still trying to grapple with the fact that there will be rain and life will go on.
In short, what the hell am I doing? At least the essays gave me some kind of drive in trying to meet or beat deadlines, but there are no deadlines for the exams. I am just waiting passively for life to come and go past me. Maybe I'm afraid of the helplessness and aimlessness that the after-exam period is going to bring, because by then there would be decisions to make - those kind that will make or break my life. I thought I had it all planned out, but lately that has been accompanied by thoughts of possible failure...
what if I fail? I don't want to...but... what?
Ironically, I haven't been sleeping well when all I wanted to do during the essay rush was sleep. And sleep I did. But now I've been having sleepless nights, and I attributed this to bouts of stomachache. Yet, my mother claims that stress is a contributing factor to the disorder as well, so is it the stomachache that is causing my insomnia or is stress really the main (and only) culprit? Which then begs the question of
why stress? Which then brings the whole thing back into a circular argument altogether: exams = stomachache = stress = exams and so on.
6:26 pm
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Last lesson ever in NUS
Friday, April 13, 2007
I didn't even realise until some of the other year 4s wanted to take a photo to commemorate our last lesson that it was
really the last lesson. I mean, okay that felt somewhat strange to think about and to type... what the hell, I even feel a little emo and sad about it!
And this is coming from someone who couldn't wait to graduate in the very first semester of her year one. So I expect I should be carrying my camera around school soon, especially on the last day of exams. And it's really strange 'cos I don't feel the "last" thing yet. Maybe it's because I still have one essay and exams to write so I don't feel the pinch yet.
Reading
Lao boo's last entry on "our future" was like damn weird la... it was like woah... slow down
Lao boo...
what job...
what wedding... I couldn't see myself doing any of that so soon. Okay maybe the job thing isn't too far away, like a month or two or so, but huh?! Wedding?! Righttt.
The rest of you better not get hitched so fast okay? The
angbao market has been increasing as the years go by, and poor people can't fork out so much every month. Imagine I have friends getting married every month or so... Omg. Please don't ha.
Er I mean eventually, but not so soon.
Despite all my complaints about drowning in essays and horrendous people in school, I actually still wanna study. Maybe it's 'cos I can't see myself doing anything else, like working. Or maybe it's because I feel I haven't learnt enough yet, and I feel emo that my education is just going to stop here. Whatever happened to "learning is a lifelong process"?
And maybe I also feel that I haven't studied as hard as I originally planned to when I first started out or as I think I should. But looking back, I probably wouldn't have done it any other way. I mean, it was a stepping stone for me and I learnt many lessons that I wouldn't have if things didn't happen. And all those things happened because of my own character, so I can't fault anybody or time or anything, and even if given a chance to go back into time, I probably would make the same mistakes over again, not because I want to, but because it's integrated in my character.
That is not to say that I couldn't have made choices that would have improved the situation a little or that I would never learn from my mistakes. But because I accept my own character, I know that it isn't perfect and so I make the mistakes that I made.
4:31 pm
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I shall perserve in the face of temptation
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Congrats to Laoboo, who has survived the essay crisis, and to the rest of the family by this time tomorrow. Ugh. I'm going to be about the only one whose left till Monday.
But nevermind. All these aside, I'm so looking forward to our next family outing where we will engage in several activities: shopping spree (like any old girl who has at least a bit of bimbotic tendencies in her), buffet (food, glorious food! Oh how we missed you thanks to the absence of the arts canteen. Pigging out is definitely therapeutic to gain back all the weight we've lost due to the essay rush), and lastly, kbox (cheenapok exercise which none of us will ever admit very proudly that we go to perform our narcissistic desires and subject our friends to the sound of killing chickens!) Muahahaha... You can tell I'm delirious by now.
With one presentation down and two more essays to go before I declare myself free from essays forever! Erm.. for a long time at least.
Now now, don't gloat, it's not very nice. Be more encouraging alright? I give you the privilege to scold/cajole me into doing work and being consistent about it.
What? Too late? No no, never too late. One day is considered alot of time to me as well, ask Mandy. She
should know *evil laughter*
2:07 pm
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Why were we online?
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Why indeed?
And I thought I was one of the few struggling, trying to get along with the damn essay when out popped Mandy online. She started talking to me while we were both trudging along with our essays to be handed in the next day (and this was what 1am on the same day). No sooner was I thinking to myself:
eh Mandy, you don't need to do essay ah... than I was promptly added to a chat with Janice and Cheryl, who were all stuck in the same crisis.
From there, we formed the XX Essays Procrastination Club.
Right.
And then I was mysteriously added on msn by a few others, who as I discovered, were also supposed to be doing their essays but were also online and had the status of "busy."
The members of the XX Essays Procrastination Club eventually stopped all talk to work on their essays, but from time to time, we cheered each other on by sending ditzy emoticons i.e. those with pom poms and cutesy animals. We were
that desperate.
For those of you who had enough discipline not to come online which the rest of us hadn't *ahem* like
Lao boo and Sexy, let's just say you missed all the fun heh.
So to answer my own question: why were we online?
Well being the poor, freedom-deprived, sadistic creatures that we are, let's just say that it was comforting to know that we weren't the only ones dying in the process of trying to complete that one essay for the night.
11:46 am
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