Cleaning out my closet
Monday, February 26, 2007
I realised I have been missing for almost a month and that is quite a long time (maybe far too long to be on hiatus).
Well, to date, many things have happened (pleasant or unpleasant), which I was trying to cope with, or probably still trying to cope with, and which I have exhausted myself in narrating them to my peers, so it felt kind of repetitive and redundant to do it here as well.
I'm probably not the best person to solve problems on the spot, especially if they involve persons other than myself, hmm well even then I do have problems struggling with my schizoprenic self. So for now, especially with all the school work weighing me down, I think it's best not to think about them. Even though it's my last semester and even if I get straight Bs, my CAP is probably going to remain about the same, I still enjoy doing what I do and I want to strive for the best in what I take pride in.
Right now, I'm just taking things a day at a time: try to keep up with my readings, get to school on time, hand in assignments on time and with the spare time, do other things I like to keep myself happy. So while I'm in the process of cleaning out my own closet, I refuse to whine all day and grumble about why life has treated me the way it did and instead try to work out things which are more urgent at hand, like for example, graduation.
Which reminds me... I had three main recurring comments/questions during this Chinese new year:
First, comments on my gold-studded cropped short hair. Well most people liked it, at least I like to think so. The only person I think who was critical is of course my own mother, but then again, this is the same person who always complains that "if only I resembled her, I would have been sooooo pretty." Well not that I don't agree, I've just ceased to be resentful about it, especially if you were me and had a pretty Eurasian-looking petite mother who is just about everything I'm not in terms of physical appearance ha. Hmm my uncles tried to be funny about it, they called me a "jue dui superstar," hur hur... right.
Second, comments about me having lost so much weight, or at least some if I insisted that it was minimal. Perhaps it was my Chinese new year garb that made me look thinner and taller than usual. Perhaps I did lose too much weight over the things that have happened. Perhaps I decided once and for all not to eat as much as I did in the past and adopted a totally different eating habit. Naturally (or not), this comment was swiftly accompanied by another about me having grown prettier during the span of time which they have not seen me (equates roughly to a year I think). So I take it that the weight loss has done some good to me at least. I don't mean to boast but now I can fit into all my clothing, and not just that, I'm almost swimming in them, even those which used to fit me exactly. Then again, now I can finally wear a one-piece dress without thinking about how fat it would make me feel ha.
Third, questions, questions and more questions about what I am going to do after graduation. W
hat exactly am I going to do indeed.. I think I need a short break i.e. travel and all that before plunging headlong into the wicked working world and become trapped in a neverending circle of complaining that work sucks because it is routine but that I can't not work either because I need the dough. If I had a choice, I would seriously not want to work (at least not yet) and just continue studying everything I have had wanted to learn... and I want to learn so many things arghhhh. Hmm.. but then again, maybe just to do that would take me an entire lifetime and at the end of it all, I probably won't be working or won't have the urge to work heh. That will be the life.
Ok enough of an update for now. Now on to the mugging bit for tomorrow's test :)
8:42 pm
クロサギ
