わたしのすべて

When resolution is the only stimulant...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

It has happened again in a neverending cycle of work and more work. I am left hungering for the sleep that studying has deprived me of and will always deprive me of, no matter how many times I try to recover from this condition.

How do I keep myself awake when every minute I spend studying, another 3 minutes go into lusting after sleep?

Coffee? Believe or not (I know some people exclusively live off coffee), I have not touched this caffeine drink in years. To start now will be killing all resolution (if any) to study after barely a few hours of drinking it.

Kim recommends Red Bull, but I haven't brought myself to buy it yet. I've always thought that I should leave it as a last resort, not as a last resort but as an image of a last resort, something I can look forward to while slugging out in the mud. At least I can think: "If all else fails, I still have Red Bull."

Cans after cans of Coke, Mug or Sprite. Of course I get a sugar rush, but only for about an hour or so after drinking, practically useless for pulling an all-nighter.

Watch or read something totally unrelated to work for a while. Sometimes it helps to pull in the guilt factor. Because after I have spent a considerably large amount of time on something I am not supposed to be doing, the general impulse after that is to study. (Right, I can smell sniggers from you guys, yeah right.)

Supper? My stomachache has officially become food-intolerant at night, especially in the later part of the night. It's an all-or-nothing phenomenon for me and food at night. Either I eat food and don't sleep so early (roughly about 2 to 3 hours or more after I've eaten) or I don't eat and sleep normally. Besides, food does make me sleepy anyway, which defeats the purpose of keeping me awake.

These days, resolution is the only stimulant for me... even if it is only so very little. But what is left of my secondary school days is now enough for me to survive on. At least for the next few days. This is the last lap of the long-distance marathon.

What about the next semester? Let's not even go there.

9:56 pm
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