Natural painter
Friday, October 27, 2006
After a few years of not having touched the palette, paintbrushes, water and poster colours whathaveyou, other than the occasional help to my kid sister on her art homework, I have relinquished my painter dream in just two days of intensive painting.
Instead of filming actual people acting for our theatre studies creative project, Celina, Mandy and I decided that we weren't natural actresses and therefore should not attempt any form of appearing before a camera by all means. Hence we decided to create our own primitive form of animation. And to do that, first we have to draw, next we have to colour (and being the lazy sot I am, I of course volunteered painting) and then we have to outline, and then... finally... we get to film. As you can guess, we're still at the first and second stages of this ambitious plan.
I think I am a natural painter. At least painting comes as natural to me more than drawing does. I rediscover this everytime I pick up the paintbrush. It's a painstaking process... painting, but I don't seem to mind how time gets whiled away so easily during that process. I actually enjoy mulling over one piece of work. I like mixing the colours and remixing them if I find that the desired colour is not yet achieved. I also like choosing the brushes, which to use for which. And then I also like the actual painting process, how to paint it, which direction of brushstrokes to use, if I should colour it in more than one tones, how to improvise.
One thing I like about painting is that you can always improvise, even after you realised you've made a mistake. And you can always improvise, even after the paints have dried on the paper. I guess it's a bit like how I like shading and making those uncertain lines when I draw. It makes me feel like I can change what I've drawn as and when I like.
I also like how I can not think when I paint, as in not think about other things when I'm painting and just concentrate on what I'm painting alone. It gives me a space to articulate myself in ways speaking and writing cannot, not that I dislike speaking or writing, just that I feel like spoken and written words have to undergo this thought process which filters out some parts and leaves some parts to be said/written, whereas painting is purely me. As cheesy as it sounds, I think it's true that painting/drawing gives you a peaceful sense of mind.
Maybe it's the stress from school or the physical stress on my ailing body or emotional stress or something or maybe it's me, I just felt like for the entire time I was painting, I could release myself temporarily from all these. There would be many things to paint, each sheet just came and came, but I felt like I was devouring them all, just so I didn't have to think about myself or anything concerning myself or anybody for once in a long long time.
And even though Mandy and Celina were there, each doing their own drawing/painting, it didn't feel like they were there at all. It didn't feel like we were doing a project at all. In fact, we hardly talked the whole time, because if we did, it would certainly be hard to concentrate on what we were doing. Of course, during the breaks we did chat and all and it was really nice to talk about things other than school.
Mandy and I have this secret desire that when and if we get a place of our own, we would invest in an easel and nice sets of paints and paintbrushes. Mandy even said she wanted her apartment or flat to face a nice scenery so she could sit there and paint it. If I ever do get an easel, I hope I actually will have time to paint instead of being busy making money the whole time. Bearing in mind that we're both amateurs in this profession, our works will probably be of no value to anyone whatsoever and probably will be kept at home where they rightfully belong. However this doesn't stop us from doing what we like, either.
On an entirely different note, the torrents of rain which have arrived to give respite to the haze have made me drowsy and feverish these two days. It made me quite resentful of rain nowadays. While a dripping nose is still fine, a very sore throat is not. I have twice lost my voice in the past because of extremely bad sore throat. By losing my voice, I don't mean the you-can-still-talk-softly-but-it-hurts kinda thing, I meant being reduced to croaks (in fact even croaking was extremely painful to force out of my throat) and having to carry a small notebook and pen around in order to communicate with others. It WAS seriously bad for someone who can't keep her mouth shut all the time and I
do not want to experience it again as much as possible.
11:38 pm
クロサギ
