Herstory
Saturday, April 15, 2006
I'm writing this partly as a response to the bloggers' Feminist Movement pioneered by Xiaohui and reinforced by Faith. Well, there has to be some blog-to-blog interaction, right?
I guess the main reason why I react so strongly to Feminist writings and remarks has to do with my mother. The first lesson she taught me ever since I was old enough to talk and walk by myself was (and probably is still doing so, if not constantly reminding me): if I fell, I should pick myself up. And later on, she emphasised that especially since I was female, it was all the more important for me to take extra care of myself because she couldn't be there to protect me forever.
However, despite saying this, my mother, who taught me the art of self-defence and now my sister, looks for chivalry in a man. Her type is the man who is able to provide for her and the family and also (well for the younger people here who are not considering marriage yet) the kind who is proactive in chasing the woman he loves i.e. pull out chairs, calls her instead of her calling him, drives her around, pampers her by buying little gifts or just taking her out etc. Of course, needless to say, she found most of the criteria in my father.
Anyway back to the topic, there is a counter-argument to that: women want to be equals of men yet they want all the benefits of chivalry. Now, ladies, please don't get worked up yet. I am not endorsing this, though I think it's an important point to bring up. This is what some men in our society think and they think that it is unfair that on the one hand, women want to be treated as equals yet on the other, they also want to be pampered and be treated to all the niceties that chivalry brings. So I can understand why it's a bit of a conflict for them to straddle both sides of the fence (talk about guys not being able to multi-task! but that's besides the point), so some men differentiate between the ladies they would like to date by treating them chivalrously and those they don't by treating them equally. And by equally, I mean they treat them as if they were their male friends.
Now this is where the problem arises. The women want to be treated as equals but not in the way the men perceive equality i.e. equals as in being on par with the men in terms of intellect and the potential to excel, yet the women
do not want to be treated by the men like how they would treat their male friends... you know with vulgarities and stuff. So basically, the real chivalrous man emerges when he treats all ladies as his equals and yet with care as if they all matter alot to him. Of course this is the ideal chivalrous man and any man remotely similar to him will somewhat stand out already from your average guy on the street.
So why have men lost this chivalry of the medieval ages when men used to ride horses? Either they're intentionally trying hard to be male chauvinists (which I strongly doubt with the exception of a stubborn few)... or as I've mentioned earlier, they probably don't know how to differentiate how to treat a lady equally and yet treat her like a lady. In other words, they are not so well-informed and probably need a bit of boosting from his lady friends (which is why I think men should have good lady friends who will give good advice such as: be a gentleman).
So what is the moral of herstory? If you are a good lady friend of any of your lost male friends, please kindly give them a tip or two. It will be very helpful in the long run,
seriously.
9:53 pm
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